Wednesday, December 27, 2006

24 Ways To Win A Girl's Heart

1.When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words ‘**** you,’ and grab the other girl’s ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she’s cold… but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, “If you don’t stop *****ing about the cold right now, you’re going to be *****ing about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party’s dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn’t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say “No, she’s not hungry”. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts… and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I’m talking about.

21. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.

22. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

23. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one that much, but I think it’s funny.

24. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Now don’t call. That’s also quite funny!

Originally Posted on LueLinks.

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

wtf what totall sarcasm...at least i hope u were bein sarcastic lol

cam said...

ima try it

Anonymous said...

This is the fucking dumbest thing I've ever read, if you do this the girl will punch you in the face.

Anonymous said...

lol, and i was about to do the first one...ZOMG

Anonymous said...

What the hell! Do you guys not realise this is a joke!

VG Geist said...

I got my first girlfriend with rope and duct-tape. Then I left my basement door unlocked one morning and she escaped =(

Aggustus said...

hey thanks a million man, i had no idea how to talk to ladies. I have a girl now thanks to your advice. she makes me very, when shes acts like she should and stays in line. Im so glad i had internet put way out here in me swamp. I told all my drinnking possy about this too, and they are going to try it.

Anonymous said...

GUYS, it worked! I used number 4 and i got DUMPED. IT WORKS! Unless you want to maintain the relationship, well...that's a different story.

Anonymous said...

Okay, Im a Girl, And You have got to be Fricking joking, xD If i a guy did half of those things to me, i would dump him and get sweet revenge, lets just say, i put a guy in hostpital 4 times =] anyway, some of them are okay BUT 13? 7? you have got to be joking man, there so stupid! Dude, Ask a Girl Before writting crap like that

Anonymous said...

THIS THE THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE READ ALL YEAR. ITS GREAT. GOOD LAUGH.

Anonymous said...

Is there a link for this? Thanks.

Anonymous said...

this is why you live with your mom

Anonymous said...

this is funny but that ain't how you do it.....if you wanna win a girls heart make her laugh and be confident while your tslkin to her trust me it works

Anonymous said...

Ok that is not going to win her heart that is just going to get her to brake up with you.

Anonymous said...

omg! this is freaking hilarious but i swear if a guy ever ever ever tried this on me i would so punch him in his face! that would be messed up! LOl

Anonymous said...

WOW! You are a dumb ***! None of this crap is gonna work. You are an idiot!!!

Anonymous said...

wow do NOT do this!!! well...if u want to get dumped use them otherwise, the person that wrote this is on crack && is a F****** retard...u better be sarcastic...

Anonymous said...

lmao

cheers you've brightened up my day

Anonymous said...

Every person who commented on this like it was a serious idea is a fucking moron. Every. Single. One of you.

Seriously. The sarcasm here is thicker than Jiffy peanut butter, and all we get are retards popping off with "OMG don't do that, you'll get dumped!" Jesus Christ, people, you think?

Anonymous said...

MAN UR A REALLY BAD ADVICE GIVER.DICK

warrior said...

well friends some of these idea r useful.....but it has many flaws

Anonymous said...

good good idea to get kickd by girl
i have never readed such bokas stuff in ma life all 24 ways will take u to a girs for a power slap.........

lust the dust said...

thats freaking halarious man, im gonna try that when the next girl screws me over and im gonna make her feel like shit

sumguyhatesu said...

i can't believe some people actually thought he was being serious when he made this list...

Anonymous said...

hahaha its funny cause even if this is a joke, it would work. cause for some reason girls like assholes

Anonymous said...

100% USELESSSS..........

Anonymous said...

tHIS Isnt funny...Its not even just annoying.. It annoyingly stupid and senseless! Freak! JUst lock yourself up psycho...

mVu said...

wtf..
if every man like u than all girls will be lesbian
u psycho, go to doctor!!

David said...

Hahahahah, nice... Very funny..
I would totaly try the first one.
Also to all you fools who think this is for real? Heheh...

Anonymous said...

wow bro your the biggest queer, i wouldnt be suprized if you ended up gay cause you fucked over all the girls. grow some balls and learn how to respect and treat them queer

Anonymous said...

what the hell? yeah i for real know that that is 24 reasons to NOT win a girls heart. your a freaking physco.

Anonymous said...

what the hell do u expect me to use that crappy advice you have a better chance that you will get kicked so hard you will feel it when yoyr 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

greg said...

niceee
some of those actually work too
:p

Anonymous said...

u guys r dick who eva did this if u do this.... ur fuked in ass

Anonymous said...

haha, you try this.
but me and every other guy is NEVER gonna believe this.

Anonymous said...

I think the theme for this kind of post should be known as "24 ways to ditch girls heart" instead of "24 ways to win girls heart." Haha but if you're daring enough go ahead but just make sure that you won't be landing in a hospital afterwards...

Ollie said...

ahh so thats where i've been going wrong.. lmao

Anonymous said...

OmG LyKe YoU ToTaLlY HaVe oT eB jOkInG.

people are stupid, this shit's great.

Anonymous said...

oh my fuckin gosh!!
dude, whats ur problem anyway???
all girls that read this just learn more of the truth:
ALL GUYS ARE GAYY FUCKIN IDIOTS!!

ok, whoever wrote this, ur an annoying idiot

go jump off a cliff!!

Anonymous said...

OMG! i did all 24 things to my wife and now she wants to re new our vows. we have crazy sex 3 times a day. amazing!

who ever reads this and thinks he was for real you r the stupidest person(s) alive. obvioiusly its great fun. duh

Anonymous said...

wow man your a fag

Anonymous said...

wow dude you are really out of your mind. If you think that can work out for you then i wish you good luck with that lol

Anonymous said...

woooooaahhhh! this guy is obviously jokin, you cant push a girl over, n callin a girl 5 times in a row sayin, 'you should be sleepin' is soooo annoyin!!!!

Anonymous said...

funny as hell

Anonymous said...

this is a load of crap. if a guy did that to me i would rack him so hard he would get periods every month

Someone who can think said...

Do you people who think this post is serious even know how to spell "THINK"?

Ever watched a comedy?

Ever heard the word "sarcasm".

I hope you guys are a bunch of 10-year-old kids. If you're older than that, you're seriously in trouble. I am shocked when I realize only a few people commenting here know this post is not serious. Whatever guys, at least the people who don't get this post make us feel better about our intelligence, right?

Anonymous said...

wtf is the matter with you u insensitive prick u cant treat a women like she doesn't matter u should always be urself around her she will still love u because u respect her unlike u u rather make them hate spending time with u so what is the point of even being with them if ur goin to treat them like shit think about that dipshit

RayRay said...

yall are mentally retarted, he wasnt really saying you should go and do that to a girl, he was kiddin around, and it was all freakin sarcasm, and i am a girl, seriously yall are stupid

Anonymous said...

Is there somthing wrong with u???? More like how to lose a girl. I don't think uve ever been with one. And if u had your just a prick.

Anonymous said...

Lol; if my boyfriend did this I would probably chopp off his dick & pop his balls~ And he knows it. ;D